How to smash a computer in nine easy steps
Silent_WolfWed May 30, 2012 5:00 pm
This is an article I read online and just had to share with the only ppl I know that would get it.
Do you know what I miss? The satisfaction of fixing things.
Fixing things felt good. It provided a pleasant sense of accomplishment and control.
Now the world has evolved to deny ordinary people the power to fix things. Automotive engineers, for one example, eliminated most car parts I know how to fix – ignition points, carburetors, distributor caps – and moved the rest to places impossible to reach with mere human arms.
Nothing is worse to fix than a seemingly minor computer problem. Seemingly minor computer problems were invented by technicians to prove everyone else is small, confused and powerless.
Jackson’s phone book lists about a dozen computer-repair places, so some people know (or pretend to know) how to fix them. Calling a repair shop is the last resort for anyone with illusions of fixing skill.
Here is my nine-step procedure.
Step One: Restart your computer. This never works.
Step Two: Unplug any modems or routers for 10 seconds to reset the equipment. This never works, either.
Step Three: Try using different cables, even if you must buy new ones. This is a waste of time and money.
Step Four: Run diagnostic software installed on your computer. This will return the message: “Windows has encountered a problem that cannot be repaired automatically.”
Step Five: Carefully note error messages. For example: “Connecting through WAN Miniport (PPPOE) Error 815: The broadband network connection could not be established on your computer because the remote server is not responding.” This is Microsoft Corporation’s attempt to blame the problem on someone else.
Step Six: Run a Google search on the exact words in the error message. If your problem is a failure to connect to the Internet, as in the above example, you must find another computer to use. Google will reveal this information: “This problem is difficult to diagnose because it can have many causes, most of which you cannot understand.”
Step Seven: Grow desperate and impatient enough to try specific suggestions from alleged online experts with names like “The Tech Dork.” This will make the problem worse, and perhaps much worse.
Step Eight: Call technical support. After the 20-minute wait, the technical-support guy will say: “Here’s what I want you to do. Restart your computer, and unplug any modems or routers for 10 seconds.”
Step Nine: Take your computer to a repair place listed in the phone book, or take it outdoors and smash it with a sledgehammer. If the second option is selected, ask a friend to record video for YouTube. People love watching a good computer-smashing.
No doubt about it, fixing things was nice. I miss it.
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TwoFourWed May 30, 2012 5:11 pm
Thanks for the Humour SilentWolf!!!!!!
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tetWed May 30, 2012 6:38 pm
Ice T has a decent laptop repair video up on YouTube.
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AbramWed May 30, 2012 11:43 pm
sounds familiar. Though I have never called tech support (other than when i know it's my ISPs' fault). I've taken my PC to a shop only once. And even then, i knew the problem but I couldn't quickly fix it myself.
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Eagle1Thu May 31, 2012 3:12 am
Hey Silent_Wolf,
Thanks for the insight and Humor.
I must say though,
Step Three has applied to me once. Played Black Opps so much one day my DVI cable burned down. Thank GOD I have plenty of spares in my basement for work.
Step Six has been used here many times and most often gets the job done. Although I may have a better understanding of these machines than some since I have been
fixing them since before they were small enough to fit in my entire house. (ie:Honeywell 465L)
And I think you could ADD Step Ten.
Step Ten: When all else fails, Format C:, Re-Install Windows OS.
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ST0RMSURGEThu May 31, 2012 6:47 am
thanks for this, made my night after a rough day at work. good laughs.
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REFORMThu May 31, 2012 4:03 pm
It kinda reminds me of that scene in the movie OFFICE SPACE where they take the copy machine out into the field and beat it to death with a baseball bat! LOL
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tetThu May 31, 2012 4:07 pm
Cables can be the problem more times than you might think. I would never trust my PC to a repair shop, especially worst buy. Also, if you have backups, an os reinstall can be faster and less stressful a lot of the time.
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targetThu May 31, 2012 7:53 pm
Computer repair....1 open door, 2 take aim, 3 throw in pool....you will feel better...
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CakeFri Jun 01, 2012 3:31 am
You can always urinate on it - just remember to unplug it first !
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TwoFourFri Jun 01, 2012 5:49 pm
LOL......ZZzzzaaap!!
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AliceterFri Jun 01, 2012 8:04 pm
Personally i always find #8 the most annoying. Especially when you tell them that you already did restart the computer and modem as well as the cables. To this they respond that i should do it again as if just doing it again will fix it when the first time didn't.
The only other thing i would like to say is i prefer to sting it up to a tree and pretend its a pińata....to help this along i stuff it with candy.
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tetFri Jun 01, 2012 9:21 pm
Centurylink are the only ones I ever have to call really. My internet screws up a lot. Now I just tell them to check my support history and they set up an appointment with a field tech right away. No calls or even internet help taking more than five minutes these days.
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ARRGGHHHFri Jun 01, 2012 11:31 pm
12ga 3" mag 15 pellets three to the side
FIXED!!!!! LOL!!!!!
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